th (2)A week had gone by since my near death experience with Villodame and I have to tell ya, I’m a bit skittish about going back home.
Chester took me to live with him until they caught this vamp. He wouldn’t have it any other way. As it stands, one week with Chester and I know I’d never be his wife. The man is a pig. I mean, I can tell you exactly what room he’s been in and at what time, by looking at what was left behind.
“Charlese, I really don’t think you should go back.” His eyes got that puppy dog look in them. Damn.
“Chester, as much as I love your helpfulness, not to mention the extra-curricular activity, I have to say that you’re a pig.” I just flat out told him the truth, ‘cause he was!
“Yeah, I know, but if it bothered you so much why didn’t you say something then?”
“You don’t bite the hand that feeds you Chester!” He got this blank look on his face, and I know my bit of Gran’s wisdom didn’t register. “I’m not going to be rude when you’ve been so kind to me.”
“Oh! That’s alright Charlese I don’t mind.” Oh, good lord, the bus does not stop where he gets off.
“Chester, I miss my house, my clean house and my bed. Please, I need to get back. I’ll be alright, really. Besides, that Villodame hasn’t been back since . . . since . . . “
“Since I sent her looking for Pecan pie.” He said without pride.
“Pecan pie? Really, that worked?” I was awe struck.
“Well, yeah! Willodean loves her desserts, and this Villo-what’s her name, acts just like her, so I put two and two together. It worked, sent her zooming out the door!”
He was right. It worked for me, but the other reason why I wanted to leave was to check on Willodean, see if she was or wasn’t this vamp.
Chester stood there, starring at me as if I were a statue of some sort. I knew he wanted me to stay, but then he also knew I was right.
“Ok, you win, but if you hear a scratch or creak, you call me, or better yet . . . why don’t I stay with you? You’d be safe, and in your clean home as well! See, you can have your cake and eat it too!” Smiling like a two year old who just learned to poop in his potty . . . you gotta love him . . .
“No thanks, but . . . no. I need to be alone Chester. You know what I mean don’t you?” I was nodding yes at him, hoping he’d catch my drift. He didn’t.
“Charlese, you had alone time here!” Becoming indignant was not his forte; it just came across, as . . . well, it was pitiful.
“Yeah, whenever Mother Nature came a calling or I needed to bathe and even then I wasn’t alone, well, sometimes.” I quickly corrected myself and said, “And those were some of the best times we had.” Completed the save with a smile.
“Oh, stop Charlese. Alright, I’ll take you home. I can take a hint.” After several hints you mean. I said to myself.
We got in his truck and drove to my place in silence. I don’t think I ever recalled a time when we were this quiet. Usually we’d be gabbing away or touching each other, which ended up us parking somewhere, dark and secluded. Sigh.
“Thanks Chester, for everything, I mean it.” I kissed him on the cheek and exited.
“You want me to go in first before you? You know just to make sure things are alright?”
I looked at my house . . . it was so still, like a lone creature waiting for a friendly face, then back to Chester.
“Sure, why not?”
And motioned for him to lead the way.
His chest puffed out like a proud Rooster and put on an air of authority.
“Now, stay behind me Charlese, if anything is going to happen it’s gonna happen to me first.”
I just smiled to myself. He was having his moment of glory and I was not going to begrudge him of that.
“Ok, now when I open the door, wait till I give you the all clear signal.”
“And what is the all clear signal?” I acted as serious as I could, but Chester watches way too many cop shows. It’s like watching Adam 12 live.
He looked annoyed just then. “When I say all clear.” Then shook his head in disbelief.
There we were, standing before the door when he gave it a kick . . . oh yeah, Adam 12, Dragnet, you name it, he was playing the part full out, but now my door had a foot through it.
He coughed a little, reached his hand out toward me and said, “Key. . . “
“Why don’t you reach your big, strong arm through the hole and unlock it. That’d make things so exciting now wouldn’t it?” Sarcasm was my forte.
He rolled his eyes and shook his hand at me. I guess he was done playing hero.
Before he could, again, tell me to stand back, I repeated those exact words, but in a tone that transpired damsel in distress. I just wanted to get in, that’s all, never mind all the dramatics.
He went in and I waited and waited and waited. My temper was beginning to rise when the all clear was given.
“Lord Jesus, Holy Mother of God, finally!” I have patience, I really do, damn it,
“All’s clear Charlese, you’ll be fine, I think.” Then his puppy dog face was up again. Oh, oh.
“Thank you Chester, for everything! I can’t thank you enough, really I can’t, but as you can see I’ll be just fine.” All the while, I’m moving him toward the door, not letting a word escape his mouth.
“Yeah, well, if you’re sure now.”
“Oh, my yes! Yes indeed . . . baby.” Sugaring up words just melts their hearts like butter. “Take car, sweetie . . . night!” Then I gave him a big kiss, shut the door and locked it.
“Oh my God, that was too painful, but I’m home. Hello house, miss me?”
I stood there looking around and took a deep breathe in. “Clean!”
Next morning, I made coffee as usual and some scrambled eggs to go with it. I was going to enjoy this day, yup, just kick back and . . . then someone knocked on the door. I took a peek through my curtains, and there was Willodean or was it Villodame? She wasn’t dressed to the nine’s this time, more like Willodean would be, but I still had my doubts.
I ran to my bedroom and took down the cross that hung on my wall and went back to the door.
“Who is it?” Cautiously.
“It’s me Willodean! Since when do you ask? Are you alright?”
She sounded like Willodean, but then again she did before and that’s when I got my neck chewed on. I paused a moment, debating on what I should do.
“Yeah, I’m alright. Just being cautious, you know, one can’t be too careful nowadays.” I was slowly unlocking the door as I spoke. I wasn’t so sure I should be doing this. As the last chain was removed, I readied myself, opened the door and shoved the cross in her face.
“Geez Charlese, if you wanted to show me something, you didn’t have to shove it in my face! I’m not blind ya know! Dang, let me see . . . nice, kinda gaudy don’t you think?” And proceeded in.
I looked at the cross, then back at her.
“No, I don’t think so. Willodean, have been ok?” I thought it to be a safe question.
“Yeah, why? And why are you still standing, sit down will ya! I don’t bite!” She patted the couch where she sat.
Nope, not falling for that old trick, no siree, I’ve watched enough horror shows to know that you don’t ever do that. I sat in the next chair over, my front ever present. She gave me a curious look.
“What’s wrong with you? You got a reindeer up your butt or what?”
“Nothing, nothing, just under the weather a bit.” And yes you do bite! “You hadn’t answered my question yet.” I was a nervous nelly now.
“I did so, I said yes. Should I not be? You know, now that you ask me, people around town sure been acting funny. Got anything to eat?” She eyed the kitchen.
“Eat? You want food?” I was half up, half down in my chair. It was like my bottom half had no idea what I wanted.
“Charlese, what in the hell is going on with you? Of course I want food and what’s with the . . . the . . . “motioning to my bottom half. “. . . You got to pee or something? ‘Cause if you do, I can show you to your own bathroom if you like.”
I sat down quickly, then jutted up like a jack-n-box remembering she wanted food.
“You, you wanted food. I forgot. Hang on a second. You, just sit there now, comfy like, I’ll get it myself, no help here, no, no.”
I could tell she thought I was acting like an idiot, but damn, I didn’t want another surprise attack. After getting something out the fridge, I came back and presented her with a plate of . . . cold-cuts.
She just gave me a look.
“That’s real swell of you Char.” She only calls me Char when she’s pissed and she was. “How am I to eat this?”
Seeing my blunder, I wiggled my fingers and smiled politely.
“Charlese!” She stood up madder than a hornet.
Down went the platter and cold-cuts and up went my hands around my throat
“Don’t bite me, don’t drink my blood, I’m too young to die! Spare me the agony I’m begging you, please!”
“Are you crazy Char?” That’s just disgusting! Oh, for the love of pete let me fix my own sandwich. Blood, drink, madness I tell ya!”
I followed her and asked, “Then you’re not . . . Villodame?” Still clutching my throat.
She whirled around and then it registered.
“Oh, you mean my twin . . . hell no! God, she dresses like a slut. Next time you see her, just stuff her face with sweets, works every time.” Noticing where my hands were she asked, “She bite you?”
I nodded.
“Charlese, you know me with sweets and every time I come over you never have that kind of stuff for me to snack on. No wonder she bit you!” And laughed as if it were nothing. I, of course, gave a troubled giggle and tried to compose myself.
“Willodean, you never told me you had a twin!”
We headed back into the living room. Willodean and her sandwich and I, still with my hands around my throat.
“Let me tell you something, if I had told you this, this would be the exact reaction I would have gotten and do want that? No! But now that you two have met, I might as well tell you, she’s gonna be living with me! Isn’t that exciting?”
That’s when I blanked out.